This Christmas I watched 12 crappy Hallmark movies and here are my crappy findings:

—12—
The Nine Kittens of Christmas–When the cat answers the phone at the end, I rolled my eyes so hard I flipped over the couch.

–11–

Christmas in Tahoe

When two things I hate collide—Train and Hallmark XMas movies. When the guy from Train sang his XMas song, I rolled my eyes and fell out of my chair.

–10–

Journey Back to Christmas–When Candace Cameron Buree went forward in time from 1950s to the present and found the future to be too progressive. I rolled my eyes and hurt my neck.

–9–

A Christmas Together with You–In this crap burger the male lead trying to save the family b and b or whatever well his dog hides/sneaks in the backseat of the female leads car and she has to turn around and drive back to return the dog. And I’m thinking did the dog open the door? Did the dog have the keys to the car? Or did the guy put the dog in her car because he’s a creeper and knew she would come back with the dog?

–8–

Christmas Cookie Catastrophe– At the end Santa or some dude who looks like Santa is revealed to have stolen a cookie company recipe even though the recipe is on the bag of cookies all so the two leads—a widower and uptight business woman—can dry kiss at the end. So bad it hurt my feelings.

–7–

The Christmas Train–Danny Glover in hallmark hall of shame kidnaps co workers to forcethem/trick them into falling in love on Christmas or something. 48%on Rotten Tomatoes and Deborah said it is dumb don’t watch it so I watched it because I have low self esteem.

–6–

Family for Christmas–So in this one Santa sends a successful but uptight news woman forward in time where she is a wife and mother and has to pick out raisins from cereal and cook for her ungrateful husband. she decides being a housewife preferable to being an award winning journalist.

–4 and 5–

Sisters/two uptight business women swap jobs for some reason and they both fall in love in the workplace and renovate a theater. The city sister goes to the city and the city sister goes to the country. Even though they are from the same hometown. This one is two movies for some reason though pretty much the same movie.

My favorite part was when they were both over.

–3–

A Royal Corgi Christmas–So I mixed up ‘a very corgi Xmas’ with ‘a royal corgi xmas’. Spoiler alert: Both are crap burgers that involve charming dogs—and the dogs are more charming than the actors.

–2–

Hannukah on Rye–This one has so many Jewish stereotypes I actually lost track of them. They play the Fiddler on the Roof music, the meddling parents try and set up the two leads and the plot involves dueling secret latka recipes. I’m embarrassed for all involved. PS; It’s also a ‘Youve Got Mail’ ripoff.

–1–

A Christmas Wish is the most hysterically sad and depressing feel good XMas movie I’ve ever watched with Deborah. It was the gateway drug for awful Hallmark movies. Spoiler: too poor for an XMas tree equals a laugh riot. It’s like if Tiny Tim was even more sad and depressing.